Have my heart, but mend it

“Not at all. There’s no special woman in my life at the moment, but I’m working on it. I just need enough time and opportunity to get to know a certain young lady.”

Maddy let out a sigh of relief and apologized again.

Jason replied: “Apology accepted.” And continued: “I forgot all about Mrs. Wilford’s letter to Mrs. Nell. I worked till very late last night and need a few hours sleep, so I’m taking the rest of the day off. I will drop the letter off on my way home.

Maddy panicked. “No! I mean, Mrs. Nell is not here right now. Can’t it wait till tomorrow?”

“You have to face me some time, Kiddo. The sooner the better, so let’s just get it over with. I’ll come round in about an hour.”

He was right. No use putting it off. “All right, then. See you later.” This called for another drink, just to build up some courage, she thought.

By the time Jason arrived, Maddy already had four glasses of sherry. She invited him in and he could tell she had been drinking.

“Hallo, Kiddo. Having a party?” He asked.

She giggled. “No, I’m not a party animal, nor do I like alcoholic beverages, but today, for the first time in my life, I felt the need to have something stronger that coffee or tea.”

The tall man smiled: “I see. Are you feeling all right?”

“Well, my tongue is tired, my brain foggy, my legs feel weak, but otherwise, I am just perfect.” She responded, her speech slurry.
Jason took her by the arm, led her to the sofa, and asked: “Now why on earth would you need something strong?” He gently pushed her onto the sofa and took a seat next to her. “You know, life sucks. Here you are, a big shot lawyer, no care in the world, and here am I, a nothing. And because I am a nothing, people have treated me like nothing since the day I was born, and there is nothing I can do about it.”

He saw the pain in her eyes. He wanted to make her pain go away, and the only way to do it was to get her to talk about and get it out of her system. “Tell Uncle Jason, Kiddo. Why does life suck?”

She closed her eyes. “I suppose you heard the whole conversation between me and that jerk?”

Jason was quiet for a moment. “It wasn’t you fault, Maddy. Some people won’t take responsibility for their actions, so they have to find someone to blame. You were young and inexperienced, you trusted your brother’s friend, that’s normal. I assume your brother asked the young man to take you home that night?”

“Yes, he did.” She answered.

Jason felt the anger towards the two men who appeared to have no respect for women. “Your brother knew what kind of person Gavin Symms was, yet he allowed you to step right into the lion’s trap. That’s not what brothers are supposed to do. He should have protected you, but he was too busy having a good time.”

Maddy tried to get up from the sofa, but her legs wouldn’t allow her to. “I think I need another drink. Would you get it for me, please.” She asked.
At first Jason wanted to tell her that she has had enough, but he knew the wine would loosen her tongue. She needed to get all those feelings of hurt and rejection out of her system. He went to the wine cabinet and filled two glasses of sherry, one for her, and one for himself. “Here you are, Kiddo.” He said.
“Thank you, kind sir.” She emptied the glass in a few gulps. ”Phew! That was good.”

Jason laughed and told her: “I hope you don’t mind, but my father told me everything about your family. I would like to know more about you, though, more importantly, what you are keeping inside. Let’s pretend I am a phcyciatrist and tell me whatever is in your heart and on your mind.” He coaxed.
She pointed a finger at him and replied: “Ah. You want to dig into my private castle, hey. All right then.”

Maddy slid down to the flour and stretched her legs out in front of her. “Now where do I start. I know. I was about five years old when I asked mother Grace to teach me to read and write. She told me I was not very bright and I should wait till I’m old enough to go to school. She also told me I would never amount to anything, but I had to do something to keep busy. That’s when she gave

me my first chores. I had to clean my room, wash my own clothes by hand, clean the two toilets every other day, scrub the kitchen floor every week and do the dishes every afternoon and evening. Mrs. Nell thought that I was much too young to do all that, but mother Grace said she should keep her nose out of the family’s business. Little did I know that she was holding a sword over Mrs. Nell’s head. I assume you know about that, too? The sword, I mean.” She asked.

Jason nodded. “She was blackmailing Mrs. Nell.”

“Yes. Every year, a day after my birthday, mother Grace added a chore to my list. When mother Grace wasn’t around, Mrs. Nell would help me. We grew very fond of each other, but she wanted it to be our secret. She taught me to read, write, cook and mend, and we used to love it when the two of us were alone in the house. Mrs. Nell became the mother I never had. A sort of secret mother, you know.” She seemed to find it difficult to remember all the details of her childhood. “Mother Grace was never a loving person, but I saw her hugging Graham from time to time. I wanted her to hug me, too, but I knew she would never do it. Every night I prayed that God would send me a real mother to hold me, tuck me into bed and chase away the monsters and thunderstorms. He sent me Mrs. Nell, but she wasn’t really my mother, nor was Grace Wilford. To mother Grace I was merely a means to wealth. Unfortunately she didn’t live long enough to spend all that money. I’m surprised she didn’t leave any money to her son.”

The tall man gently laid his hand on her shoulder. He wanted to take her into his arms and comfort her, but he had to be patient. “It’s all over now, Kiddo,” he said.

“All over?” She asked. “How can it be over if I cannot forget the past?”

He had no answers for her. “Maybe you will never be able to forget, but you have to move on.”

She shook her head. “No, I cannot move on if my past haunts me. You have seen and heard what happened today. What if the some more ghosts pop up?”
“What other ghosts?” He asked.

Maddy lifted herself off the floor and sat on the sofa, next to Jason. “Brian Dreyer, the other bastard. He knew that I was a dancer in the club, and when I told him why I’m doing it, he said he didn’t mind. We fell in love with each other and were inseparable. He was attractive, intelligent, a gentleman. That’s what I thought. He was also the first man who I willingly gave myself to and I was happy for a while. At last I found someone who loved me, who wanted me.” She paused for a few seconds. “I assume you know that Ingrid is Grahams child?”

He answered: “Yes. Mrs. Wilford told me you adopted the child.”

“Graham and Lucille were not prepared to give up their freedom, so they signed the adoption papers, and mother Grace did the rest. Brian promised me that he would take care of us and adopt little Ingrid as soon as we get married. But it was all a lie. Gullible old me fell into a trap again.”

She closed her eyes and continued: “He showed his true colours one evening when some friends invited us for a drink at their place. They appeared to be normal, respectable people, but after they downed a few too many, things got a bit out of hand. One of the men got started touching me. When I told Brain about it, he laughed and said it was just part of the fun. Do you know what he wanted me to do?”

Jason saw the tears billowing from under her eyelashes. “Tell me.” He softly coaxed.

She whispered: “He wanted me to sleep with two of his friends. A threesome, they called it.

Jason de Ville was not prepared for what he just heard. “Good heavens!” He exclaimed.

Maddy wiped the tears from her checks. “Brian got upset when I refused to do his bidding. I called Mrs. Nell who saw drove me home that.” She swallowed. “The pain and rejection I felt was unbearable. I sat on my bed for hours that night and felt like the stupid, useless orphan I really was. Just some person who was never worthy of anyone’s love. I had no home, no real family, nobody I could turn to. I never told anybody about what happened. I kept it to myself, until today. You are the first and only person who knows about it.”

“I’m glad you told me, Kiddo. Now it’s time to heal.”

She laughed. “Oh, how I wish all these bad feelings and memories would just disappear.” She looked up into his face and said: “All I wanted was love and acceptance, nothing more. A family of my own. Even the child I’m raising is not really mine, and yet, I think she is the only one who loves me unconditionally. What have I ever done to deserve a life like this, Jason? Am I ever going to find true happiness?” She could no longer hold back the tears. The tall man gently took her in his harms and held her as she cried. He placed a finger under her chin, lifted up her face, looked into her eyes and said: “Madeleine, no one is ever going to hurt you again, not as long as I am alive. That is a promise.” No promise of eternal love, but an undertaking to protect. She knew she could trust him. It was there, in his eyes. He held her until they both fell asleep, and that is how Mrs. Nell and Ingrid found them on their return.

Mrs. Nell sent Ingrid into the kitchen and woke Maddy up. “Sweet child, wake up”

The two young people looked at her dazedly. Realizing they are still in each other’s arms, they jumped up.

Jason spoke first: “Mrs. Nell. It’s not what you think.”

“Yes, no, Mrs. Nell.” Maddy said. “Nothing like that.”

Mrs. Nell smiled knowingly. “Nothing like that, only something like having the hots for each other and not even aware of it.” She replied. “You two have to excuse me. I have to prepare supper. You up for a home-made pie, young man?”

“No thank you, Mrs. Nell. I brought a letter from Mrs. Wilford, addressed to you. He took the slightly rumpled letter from his back pocket and handed it over.

“Here you are Ma’am. I’ll contact you tomorrow. ‘Bye, Maddy.” He said and left.

“He’s quite in a hurry, isn’t he?” Mrs. Nell commented and opened the letter. “Now let’s see what old Grace has to say. Maddy excused herself and left the room to freshen up, leaving Mrs. Nell to read her letter in privacy. After a few minutes she heard Mrs. Nell calling out to her. When Maddy entered the lounge, she found Mrs. Nell sitting on the sofa, as white as a sheet.

“Mrs. Nell!” The girl exclaimed. “What’s wrong?”

Mrs. Nell shook her head. “Sweet child, sit down.”

Maddy joined her on the sofa, took the old lady’s hand in hers and said: “I’m listening.”

“Maddy, a few months ago Grace told me Graham is not her child. I asked her who his parents are, but she refused to tell me. Maddy, Graham is my son. The child I gave up for adoption many years ago.”

Maddy was surprised. “This is unbelievable. Why would you give a child up for adoption, Mrs. Nell? It’s not like you to abandon anyone, much less your own flesh and blood.”

Mrs. Nell sighed. “I had no choice. The father of my child was also Grace Wilford’s father.” She saw the confusion on Maddy’s face and continued: “He was very lonely after his wife died and I always had a soft spot for the attractive gentleman. I filled a void, Maddy, and he made me feel special. Yet, when I fell pregnant, he claimed he was too old to raise a child, and suggested that I have an abortion. I chose to have the baby and he insisted that I give it up for adoption. I was young, confused and knew I could never give my child the live he deserved. Grace heard her father and me talking. The old man gave me enough money to tide me over till the child was born, and when I left, Grace hired someone to follow me and keep track of me. After giving birth to my son, I left him at the orphanage, and found myself a well-paid job. I went back to the orphanage about five months later, but I was too late. My child was already adopted. I wanted him back, Maddy, and no one would tell me who adopted my little boy. Two years later, after the old man passed away, I came back. On my return I learned that Grace got married, moved to London, and returned showing off her newborn son. Grace’s husband offered me a job as housekeeper and I accepted.

The young girl interrupted the old lady. “Let me guess what happened: He confessed to Grace, left the child something in his will, but Grace had other plans.”

Mrs. Nell nodded. “Yes. She also confessed. She told him about the child she adopted. His child, her little brother. He left the house to her, with the understanding that she would take care of Graham. Grace agreed, but whatever that woman did, was for herself, and nobody else.”
Maddy was horrified. “Mrs. Nell, you have to tell Graham the truth.”

“How can I? He will hate me.”

The young girl answered with confidence: “I know there is some good in my brother, Mrs. Nell. Whatever happens, we will face and get through it, together. Isn’t that what you always told me?”

Three years later. Dora Nell is standing on the porch, watching the road. “Graham!” She called out to he son who was buried in his books, studying for his degree in Architecture. He came running out. “Are they here yet, mum?”

“No, but I want you to be here when they arrive.”

Graham Wilford laughed and slid his arm around his mother’s waist. “I’m glad you are my mother. I love you.”

She answered: “I love you too, my child.”

The sound of a car door slamming caught their attention. They hurried down the steps to welcome their guests. Two boys of about three years came running towards Mrs. Nell, shouting: “Grandma! Uncle Gray!” Followed by the ten year old Ingrid, who went straight to Graham. “Hallo, daddy Gray.” He picked her up, nuzzled her neck and said: “My, you look pretty, Princess.”

She smiled. “I always look pretty, daddy Gray. Daddy Jason said so.”

Graham kissed her on the nose. “And whatever daddy Jason says, goes.”

Jason and Maddy de Ville, proud parents of Ingrid and the twins Josh and Jonah, joined the rest of the family on the porch.

“Are you talking about me, young lady?” Jason wanted to know.

“Just telling the truth, dad. You always tell me I look pretty.” She answered.

A radiant, cheerful and happy Maddy came up the steps. “Hallo, you special people. Did you miss us? And how are you doing?”

Graham stepped forward, gave Maddy a hug and said: “As long as my sis is well taken care of,  I’m a happy brother.”

“And as long as my children and grandchildren are happy, I’m a happy old woman.” Said Mrs. Nell.

Then two voices rung out: “And we are happy and fine if we can have some of grandma’s apple tart!” The twins bolted into the house, heading for the kitchen, followed by Ingrid and the four adults.

Maddy stood in the doorway, watching her family as they entered the house, laughing and joking. Her husband turned around, held out his hand to her and asked: “What’s wrong, Kiddo?”

She smiled, gently touched his brow and answered: “Nothing, my dear. Do you remember the day you vowed never to let anyone hurt me again?”
He nodded. “Yes, Angel.”

She raked her fingers through his hair. “You kept your promise and gave me so much more than I expected or deserve. You healed my broken heart and brought so much love and happiness into my life. Thank you, my love.” She kissed him softly on the lips, laid her head against his chest, and he held her tight.

“You are my life, Kiddo.” He said, and she believed him. It was there, in his voice, in his eyes.

Butterfly.