Letter from a Butterflyer (in short):
I have read ‘Let’s chat about love’ and it really touched my
heart. I’ve been abroad for a while and met a person whom I fell
in love with. Unfortunately, we had to break it off when I
returned to my country. We are still in contact with each other
and enjoy the long conversations and e-mails. Although I met
another person and loves him dearly, it’s just not what I felt
for the guy I met abroad. I still think of him a lot and my
heart yearns to be with him. Knowing that I will never be able
to be near him, ever again, breaks my heart. As I said, I love
the new man in my life dearly, but it’s just not enough. The
question I have for you, is: Should I get married to this guy
and be content?
My answer to the Butterflyer and others who are in a similar
situation:
Life dealt you a card, and you played. The problem is, you
played the wrong game. Blackjack is an extremely dangerous game
because you never see the cards laid before you, thus, you never
know what comes next. That is what you have got yourself into.
You blindly chose a road, took chances, and unfortunately, have
to live with it. There is nothing wrong with taking chances, but
you have to make sure that you see what life is offering you. Do
some window shopping before you buy.
You knew that one day, you will have to say good-bye, but
ignored that fact. That’s normal. Let me tell you a little more
about love, the imposter that creeps up on you when you expect
it the least. Love is blind and sometimes deaf. It prevents you
from thinking clearly and make you do things that you would
otherwise not even dream of doing. The word consequences never
enter your mind and you bathe in a river of bliss.
Unfortunately, eventually the river runs dry, or when rain
comes, the river turns into a flood, sweeping you away. As you
struggle along, you grab the first log and hold onto it for dear
life, until you (and the log) end up on the riverbank. You look
at the log and discover that the log is fine, but not what you
wanted. What you really want is the boat you left on the other
side of the river.
Solitaire, on the other hand, is a much better game to play. You
choose the game, lay out your cards, have a good look at them,
be patient, weigh your options, think of the consequences,
bearing in mind that you might lose, and when you are ready,
make your move. Sure, you don’t know what the outcome will be,
but at least you are prepared for what might happen.
Butterflyer, this is the Blackjack Effect: You developed
feelings for this guy, started dating him, ignoring the fact
that you will have to say good-bye one day, yet you went ahead,
and fell In love with him. After the sad good-bye you met
someone else and hooked up with him, knowing that your heart
belongs to someone else. You are still playing Blackjack and
invited a poor, unsuspecting soul to join you. You do not know
what the future holds, but please know this: someone is bound to
get hurt! I would suggest that you change your game.
The Solitaire Effect: If you tell your new friend about your
feelings for the other man in your life, he will probably end
your relationship. At least you can now make plans for the
future. Life goes on, my dear, and you might just meet another
man who will sweep you off your feet. If it happens, take things
slowly, open your ears, eyes and mind, talk to someone
trustworthy who are able to give you good advice, make sure that
the text guy is the real mc coy, and go ahead with your life.
You could the perfect a guy who will make you the happiest woman
alive.
Your new friend might decide too continue with the relationship,
but if you feel that he is not the man you want to marry, don’t
even consider getting engaged! You cannot marry one man whilst
loving another. As time go by, you will start comparing him with
the love of your life, discover all the little bugs he has in
his personality, get into fights over the smallest of things and
when the babies arrive, it will be extremely hard to get out of
the unfulfilling marriage. If you choose to do the ‘right’ thing
by staying in the marriage, you will have to be content.
Ask yourself this: Do you want to be happy, or content.
Butterfly.
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